I had a pretty good day yesterday with Matt. I haven't seen him in years, but it was also a welcome change of pace. He's currently living with his parents and little brother, but he's kind of taken over his little brother's room.

He's lost a lot of weight, 150 now apparently, about 10 pounds less than me which is something different. Huge thing for him of course though. I'm happy for him. We weren't sure of what to do, he suggested the Rose Bowl and I was kind of fervent about heading there since I've never been there before. I really didn't want to drive so he decided to take his car even though it was pretty messed up. I asked if he was sure and he said yes. I really wish he didn't put me up on this pedestal where I can do no wrong, which he did mumble at some point.

We ended up jogging in little sprints around a part of the Rose Bowl, which was nice. After that I learned how to drive a stick with his car. The movements are a little complex because it needs a bit of coordination with hands and feet.

He has changed a lot from what he was. I think I'm starting to get attracted to him, but I don't want to mess with that considering I may end up hurting him again. He's more expressive, more calm about things, doesn't evade what he really feels... I find that extremely attractive meshed with his current physical state it  just makes him all the more attractive. He hasn't fooled around with anyone in over a year too, so he says.

Again, I really don't want to hurt since I've been doing that a lot recently. My mother and now this... I've turned into superbitch, or at least been too critical of people telling people how things should be and to cut the bullshit out of their lives.

Maybe my vantage point is all wrong. I need to work things out with myself.