Again, I am lagging in my postings. Yesterday I had a dream that probably progressed throughout the whole time I was asleep, but where I began to remember it was with the scenery that looked like it was pre WWII. The whole environment was kind of gray and it looked like the world was in turmoil. My sister Shirley was consulting a genealogist who I did not trust from the get go when she said that Shirley was adopted and was not born of our mother. Shirley believed her the first day she heard that, but after another day or so after each consultation, Shirley began to believe her less and less. The last day we found the woman and she kind of broke down a bit. Seemed like a situation where she had just lost her home, or might have been something else.

I somehow wound up at my old school, but a little different. People from high school were their, details of what happened here are a little vague, but there was some interaction going on with my fellow classmates from around my year, as well as my sisters for some reason. There seemed to be some sort of mass panic thing going on around us. People looked calm but their was an air of anxiousness around us.

The next scene was me along with several other people, my sisters, my cousins and fellow classmates on the back of a truck. The environment seemed a little dusty or grimey, one of the two. A fellow classmate named Veronica started to get riled up and wanted to turn people against my friend Chrissy. It was utter bullshit considering the situation and to pull my family as well as myself into turning against one individual.

I began to stand up to her, exact words forgotten, but may run along the lines of her yapping away making everyone feel awkward and then me saying,
"Will you just shut up?"
"What did you say?" she says,
"You heard me you dumbass"
(She goes into utter shock at my words, then starts to yap on about something)
I continue, "Fuckin' shut up..!"
"Oh my, you've never said shut up before.."
"That's because you're never around me you idiot!"
She starts to get pissed off and says more things...
Again, I respond, "Shut the fuck up you stupid dumb bitch"
As I was saying that, I was getting up as well as she was getting ready to fight.. but I said it so loudly in my mind I began to say the "..dumb bitch.." part aloud in my physical body, and thusly woke myself up. I was so angered at her that my heart rate went up as well... and woke up.

I wonder if it IS pent up anger I've been holding towards her since that incident where I went up to say hi to her and to give her a hug only to receive a look of disgust, ignoring me, and turning around trying to get the attention of one of the foreign exchange students in front of a huge crowd of people... I wonder if she were to jump into a pool of water, 50 ft off the ground, that is as shallow as her, if she'd survive...

Only later, when I was over at Jessica Sar's house with Danyel one Halloween Eve, to have her say something to try and comfort me because I said something out of context that I didn't mean to say in that way. How sweet and duplicitous of her...

However, sometimes I wish I can just let go...